


No Second Chances

by angelus2hot



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-26
Updated: 2011-07-26
Packaged: 2017-10-21 19:17:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/228696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelus2hot/pseuds/angelus2hot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John wants a second chance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Second Chances

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** No Second Chances  
>  **Fandom:** Supernatural  
>  **Rating:** PG-13  
>  **Word Count:** 1,041  
>  **Characters/Pairing:** John Winchester  
>  **A/N:** written for [The Underwritten Character Meme: John](http://theron09.livejournal.com/144022.html)

One of the first rules any hunter learned is to never make a deal with a demon. No matter how good the demon made the deal sound. And especially don't make one with a demon who was responsible for your wife's murder and your son's... condition. Even now John couldn't bring himself to admit to what he knew the demon had done to his son, Sam. But John didn't have any choice but to make the deal. Dean was dying and he couldn't let his son pass away. More than ever, more than anything Dean had to live. The world needed him even if it didn't know it. Without his sons, either of them, his life was meaningless anyway. So, John did what any good parent would do. He took a rotten deal in order to save his oldest son.

Tears filled his eyes as he slowly walked back into his hospital room. The visit with Dean had been brief. Barely a moment just to make sure the demon had kept his word and that his son was okay. They say, who ever they are, that saying goodbye is the hardest thing anyone could do. But he couldn't help but disagree. Seeing his son, talking with him but not being able to say goodbye or to let him know no matter how it appeared, he was proud of him. He had always been proud of all of his sons. Not saying goodbye, yeah, that was the hardest part.

John glanced at the clock on the wall in front of him, there were only minutes left. As John waited for the demon to collect his due, there was nothing left to do but reflect on his life. In a lot of ways he had had a great life, especially at the beginning. A sad smile pulled at the corners of his mouth as he began to reminisce. The first time he had met Mary, okay he would admit it wasn't their brightest moment but eventually they had warmed up to each other. The birth of his children, now those were days he would never forget. Dean had been perfectly content to stay inside Mary for the duration or longer if he could manage it. But not Sam, no, not his youngest. He was impatient from the beginning.

But his life was also full of regrets. There were so many that ate at him everyday. So many things he would change if he could. One of the things he wished he could have done differently was Mary. He would make sure she knew exactly how much he loved her and how lucky he had been that she had loved him in return.

And his sons, dear God there were a lot of regrets there. If he could start over again, he sure as hell would do things a lot differently. Oh, he would still hunt, to avenge Mary he would have to and he would still make damn sure his boys knew how to handle themselves. But it's the little stuff that he would change. He would be a different kind of dad. One who had actually earned the title.

He had missed so many holidays with his boys, so many Halloweens, Thanksgivings and Christmases spent on the road away from them. He didn't think Mary would ever forgive him if she knew. He was supposed to take care of them. To teach them right from wrong. To make sure they had a great childhood, one they could look back on when they got older and say with some semblance of remembered happiness, 'Yeah, me and my dad did this or we did that.' But he always had a reason, one he thought was a good one at the time, not to do any of those things. He had always thought it was more important to know about things that went bump in the night and know how to destroy them than to play.

When they were little and Dean had wanted to go to a ballgame, or Sam, the library, he was always too busy. Too busy trailing the next demon, or showing one or the other of his boys how to fire a weapon. John ran his hair through his hair. He should have taken the time to take them. He would give anything if he could have those times back again. It wouldn't have killed him if he had taken a day, just one, to take the boys to a ballgame, taken them bowling, on a picnic in the park or even taken them to the library for God's sakes. Anything at all to show them he loved them.

A sound of disgust escaped him. But, no, not him... He was always too busy making sure his boys knew about demons and how to be little soldiers that somewhere along the way he had forgotten to show them how to be little boys.

What he wouldn't give to have a second chance at being a dad. A real one. And he would make damn sure he got it right this time. There would be ballgames, picnics, trips to the beach, and yeah even the library if he could do it all over again. Dean and Sam would see a totally different side of him. He would take the time to show his sons he loved them, he would show them it was okay to grieve for their mom and it was okay to laugh months after she was gone. He would make sure they knew that memories couldn't be drowned in a bottle, no matter how painful memories were, liquor wasn't the answer.

There were so many things he wanted to do over if given another chance. And all of them revolved around his sons. He wanted to run back into Dean's hospital room and tell both boys how sorry he was that he hadn't been a better father. But, as the clock ticked down the moments he knew his time was almost over. Tears fell from his eyes, slid down his cheeks at the thought of all that could have been but wasn't. He realized as he breathed his last, there would be no second chances for John Winchester.


End file.
